Saturday, July 25, 2015

Quick, Somebody Get That Kid Some Water ... He's About To Blow!


Tranquility 


This is how the day should have gone ... like a peaceful day at the beach (not that we were at the beach, but one can dream).

Instead, "the child" decided he was going to spend the day having one temper tantrum after another over arbitrary details. Sally, the Shark's dorsal fin rose from the crystal, blue depths every now and then, I would send her back down below and ask "the child" to work on calming himself down. It's not an easy task for a grown man to calm himself down in the heat of the moment, so how does one get a child to do so when they are throwing a temper tantrum?

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Just Breathe

When "the child" is throwing a temper tantrum my first inclination is to join him ... then I'm quickly reminded of the amount of gray matter that I possess and just how inappropriate that would actually be. Once the urge to join passes, I usually ask the upset child to do some breathing exercise to help them regain control of their body. Asking a screaming child to do "belly or buzz breathing" worked like a charm in the beginning ... so do root canals on roller coasters.
Then, much to my husband's credit (don't tell him I said that)had a brilliant idea (don't tell him that either). He decided we were going to have anger drills in our house everyday ... or at least we were going to aspire to do them everyday.

Anger Drills 

The idea behind anger drills is quite simple. Each day our goal is to give our children a few minutes in their rooms to practice "being angry" and then to practice the breathing techniques that they prefer to use to calm their body down when they get upset. The purpose of getting a child to do an anger drill when they are not upset, is to make them more willing to do it when they are ... and guess what ... it worked like a charm (for real this time, no roller coasters or root canals needed). After implementing anger drills in our house, we've seen a decrease in temper tantrums in our home and an increase in our children's ability to regulate their own emotions (again, what's with kids growing up ... I really need them to stay dependent on me forever).  Warning ... this doesn't mean that temper tantrums are non-existent now, but they have subsided quite a bit. 

What I've Learned

I've learned that it's easy to leave a child alone to deal with their emotions and expect them to work it out on their own. I've also learned that it's unrealistic to expect that; a grown man can't do that on a good day, let alone a child on a bad one. Another important lesson that I have learned is that "the child" is more likely to calm down quickly if I am able to do the breathing exercise with him. No one wants to be alone in their emotions, children are the same; when we take the time to take a few deep breaths with our children their bodies relax much more quickly than if they were left to do it alone. Most importantly, I've learned to give my child the space to be upset and angry and I've given them the tools to do it in a manner that is healthy for them. 

What Have You Learned

What techniques do you use in your home to help your children when they are throwing a temper tantrum? Let us know in the comments below. 


2 comments:

  1. I never ever give in firstly. Second I send them to their room where they can kick and scream and let their frustrations out, that's if we're home of course. And if we're out we come straight home and he goes straight to his room. Up until a certain age tantrums are how they communicate with us and let us know that their upset. We 100% have to validate their feelings, but not by giving into a tantrum.

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    1. I completely agree that we have to validate their feelings. I find that I have a hard time finding a balance between validating their feelings and not giving them too much attention when they are throwing a temper tantrum. I wish there was a magic age that children just all of a sudden got life and were able to stop throwing tantrums but I have found with our kids that it is based on the kid. This one is a tough one to navigate. Thank you for commenting!

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